You actually came here? Damn you must be bored! Hope it doesn’t disappoint.

 

04.01.02 Clearly I am insane. I spent about 2hrs at the Internet Movie Database going through the listings of identical twin boy actors. Why you may ask? Well at some point in my illustrious future film career *snort* I am going to require identical twin boys who can act, don’t mind make-up/drag (just in case) and don’t have a massive problem with looking ‘intimate’ for the camera. To make matters worse I need ‘em to be tall. Like over six feet tall, without heels. So anyway, here I am listening to Stabbing Westward because it was in reaching distance, with a list of actors names before me. I tried the stupid google thing that my dad suggested for looking up shit. Yeah, goodie it has an image search bit. Great. So it’s yahoo with a photo gallery. Using google I tried to put faces to the names I’d gathered. Fucking useless that was. Couldn’t even find websites on these people. Although I have established that while ‘The Odyssey twins’ don’t seem to mind looking ‘close’ I have no need for porno actors in any of my films. I have a feeling that could be one of those bold statements that comes back to haunt me…

So what has this supreme waste of time achieved? Squat. I’m simply procrastinating. I’m at that annoying stage of wanting to write where all the ideas and concepts my writer’s block has held at bay for the past month have come flooding forth and are presently drowning my already fragile brain. Hence my mind tricks me into doing anything but writing so that it can gain some extra time to organise things in there. Then it cleverly tells me that whatever time wasting project I’ve chosen this time is ‘Research’. *sigh*

So now I’m tired and cranky, especially since I also found out that Orlando Bloom (the blonde elf boy from Lord of the Rings) is not a twin and is only 5’11”, and have got absolutely no further in my own little world of casting. Anyway if there happen to be any 6’2”< identical twin boys out there in their late teens to twenties, who can act, don’t mind a little glamour and have no issues looking intimate for camera, contact me… I may need your employ at some stage!

Yes I do live in a completely different reality and no I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. ;P

 

28.12.01 Okay, I’m ranting again, yay. I was reading through my website checking spelling and whatnot (since my computer insists on have the spell checker on American English as default, it doesn’t like a lot of my Australian variations *grr*) and I realized I have actually been quite narky in regards to religion. This has actually been playing in my head since I started an argument with the Baptist boy in the media labs one day. No one spoke to each other for about an hour. I didn’t mean it! Anyway, I figured it was time I had a rant to:

1.      Get it out of my system

2.      Tell you all what I really think of Christianity/religion in general (worried? ;)

3.      Hopefully not offend anyone else!

So here’s the deal. I do not believe in a God or gods of any kind (or Satan for that matter you narrow minded fools of my highschool) I just can’t justify that concept. I did not arrive at this decision lightly, my belief system just makes more sense to me. I also spent three years at a Catholic school, so it’s not due to a lack of education—far from it—being exposed to it has only strengthened my disbelief. I do not inherently hate Christianity or other religions or the people who believe in them. Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs. If it makes them happy and feel fulfilled, what’s wrong with it? Despite the fact I often slag it off, I would never think less of a person simply because of what they believe.

However… (you heard the ‘but’ coming right? :)

I do dislike it when people claim to be Christian/religious ‘n’ good, then do one or more of the following things:

1.      Perform random acts of bigotry and hate

2.      Tell my Grandma she won’t be seeing any of her deceased friends in heaven if she doesn’t ‘get in touch with her spiritual side’ (this from her own son, would you believe, bite me arsehole!)

3.      Presume themselves to be a higher life form because they’ve got God on their side

4.      Try to ram their religion down my throat (I have my own beliefs thank you)

5.      Kill a shit load of people in the name of God/gods

6.      Use their religion as a scapegoat (ie but God told me to…)

7.      ‘Do as I say, not as I do’

8.      A heap of other bad things I can’t think of right now but really are out there.

This is my biggest issue with Christianity in particular: contradictions. The bible is full of them, but some people still consider it the be all and end all. The amount of times the bible has been rewritten and translated and reinterpreted, it can’t possibly be saying the what it originally did. People saying they’re good then proving to be racist, homophobic, bigoted etc. is something else I’ve noticed a lot. That and I think many people use God as a crutch because they haven’t got the strength to take responsibility for themselves. Anyone who uses their religion like that should probably sit down and have a think. There’s always some bad apples in the barrel, but you know most of them have got to be okay.

Something else that always intrigues me, is the way Christianity is considered ‘the’ religion. In book stores you’ll find texts from other religions (ancient and not) mixed into a kind of new age, mystic, heebee jeebee kind of section, but the bible and Christian books have their own shelves. I know it’s the largest religion in the world an all, but a majority of people thought the world was flat too.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, you have your beliefs, other people have theirs’. There is nothing wrong with this. If you want to follow the bible and do good to your fellow people by all means go ahead! The world could use some more good. But you’ve got to let people live their own way too. If they want to run being a cheerful pagan/Hindu/Buddhist/Baptist/whatever, or sleep with people of the same gender, or if they happen to be from a minority group of some kind, that’s allowed. If everyone accepted everyone else and tried their damndest to not harm anyone the world might just be a little bit easier to live in.

Go out and smile at someone, damn it!

 

17.12.01 In case anyone cared, Uni went well—I got my first high distinction—happy dance! As a present to myself I got another 2 holes put in my ear. ^_^

Despite the general good-ness of this semester, I do have a little complaining to do. Surprise, surprise. Dumb Cock, as we now cheerfully refer to a certain lecturer, has royally pissed me of. Once again we received a credit for a piece of work that we felt deserved more (and might I add another lecturer hinted at being worth more) especially since the mother fucker of a project involved two months of work (interpret: 21 hours straight in the media labs on any given day, sleep depravation, no life, making over 200 fucking images, learning a new program ourselves ‘cause said dick-lecturer couldn’t be bothered teaching it) and interrupted the general passage of my existence. What’s more, I we can’t even contest this mark with Cock Head because he’s gone away until January. How very convenient. This man seriously is the epitome of half-arsed, he gives the term ‘slack’ a whole new meaning. He still has a friend’s zip disk from last semester, I asked him 3 weeks before the semester was up for feedback regarding an essay I also thought was unfairly marked—still waiting for the response on that one—he never actually told us that our stuff was there to pick up at the front of his office, he said to get it next year—sure I’m going to leave our stationary and CDs out the front of your office for 3 months, no worries—and he has generally tested my patience to the very fucking limits! Why have we been cursed with such a burden?! Might I also say that despite generally being very harsh with the marks in most sections of our project, he was so kind as to give  us 5 out of 4 on one of them. Go figure.

Christmas is a creeping up, and this means three things: way too much Catholicism/dodgy religion bullshite; way too much commercialism; my birthday. Particularly scared by that last one. One thing I will give the little money makers credit for this year is the copious amounts of purple xmas decoration. I managed to score some pretty plastic stars on strings. Mind you those are just for my room and as far as I’m concerned not xmas decorations. Seriously though, I think people tend to forget that most of the shiny, sugar-coated, tinsel bound crap we’re spoon fed at this time of year stems from the bible and the whole Jesus thing. Hence I refuse to stick a star on top of my tree—I have Elizabeth Bathory instead—and have chosen to go with two xmas trees this year. Personally I preferred our xmas stick, which consisted of a dead branch spray painted silver, but we’ve resorted to the usual plastic pine tree. I want to paint it black, but certain people who rule my household said no. Anyway, back to the point. We have two trees. One is the conventional tree, with the stupid colourful tinsel, Santa Clauses, mice (when the fuck did mice become a symbol of Christmas, was it before our after they reached plague proportions and pest status? Don’t get me wrong, I like mice, but this escapes my understanding… *thought* is it that stupid story with the ‘nothing was stirring not even a mouse’ line?) it’s the evil tree. I don’t like it, but everyone else seems to like the decorations. Namely the mouse in the telephone booth (although apparently that’s because it reminds them of the tardis) I don’t get it either. My tree on the other hand is just dandy. It has a colour scheme: black, silver, purple and red. It doesn’t have stupid Santas on it, nor mice (although there are a few reindeer lurking around the back where no one can see them, but I’m pretending that those are demon spawn, or something else interesting) but it does have, glitter, spiders, roses, Elizabeth Bathory at the top, and decorations that kinda look Victorian. I like the tree.

I think I’m about all ranted out. I’m tired and need a fag. Oh, and as for my birthday I’m pretending it’s not happening. Birthdays are on hiatus until my 21st next year. *sigh* I’m going now, I promise.

TTFN.

 

09.08.01 It’s been so long since me last rant, this’ll probably do us good. Yes, that’s right, us. Myself and the voices in my head. CRAZY! Anyway, moving right along…

We’re halfway through our second shoot for the week. When this one is done we have another one to follow. Three shoots, eight days, you do the math. Actually let’s do it together!

(3 shoots / 8 days) + (plot princess’ noisy brain x her general incompetence) + sleep deprivation = STRESS!!!!

Hence I am crazy this week. We had lots of fun this morning with light meters reading incorrectly and me forgetting that when you lower the frame rate you expose the film for longer. I’m hoping that the two things we fucked up cancel each other out and our tilt looks perfect. I think I’m being way too optimistic.

Finally got my fucking zip disk back from Coxie. I’ve been waiting on that disk and my marks from that particular lecturer since last bloody semester. Along with everybody else in the class. Penguins could have distributed those disks more efficiently. And been a lot cuter about it, too.

Not too much is making me pissy at the moment. Except for Uni stuff I suppose. Ooo like the bitch lady who is teaching us about documentaries at QCfuckin’A. She insists on referring to myself and my friends as ‘you people from Nathan’ or ‘those Nathan ladies’. She’s irritated because she has to take five people from Griffith Uni into her precious class of super special QCA students. She doesn’t seem to like girls too much either. I think we pissed her off the other day too, ‘cause we know what we’re doing. She’s pissed me off because she’s a fucking rude bitch! First class she actually had the gall to ask us if we knew how to use a camera. Michala wanted to respond ‘which one?’, which would have been highly amusing.

The brain dead lecturer’s wonderful piece of advice last week was ‘when you’re shooting a doco you should really get used to using a tripod, they’re important’. No shit! Stupid Qcfuckin’A (sorry, taken to calling it that) bitch woman. Die in a hole.

My neck hurts from looking through a camera lens for hours. Actually this is sort of funny. At one point my brain and eyes were so tired and pissy with me that my left eye refused to close and my right eye refused to open. Why is this a problem? ‘Cause I was looking through the camera at the time, which can only be done with my right eye, and the camera was running at the time. I hope that shot worked. It was sorta important…

I think it’s time for me to depart. I have work to do and film to pick up. And I’m tired and crippled.

*sound of plot princess dragging her limp decaffeinated body off the chair so that she can crawl to her cigarette packet in the hopes of reanimating herself for a couple more hours*

 

30.05.01 Well, I’ve got a lot to say today… so prepare yourself.

Where to start… Okay, a few weeks back I was researching for a paper I was doing about John Howard’s fucked up drug plan and I came across a newspaper article with a title so very insightful that it really didn’t belong in the Courier Mail. I’m thinking it would fit a little better in say… some stupid ‘men’s’ magazine designed for the portion of the male species with an IQ smaller than their shoe size. What was this title you ask?

‘Why Do Women Have Breasts?’

Well! What an absolutely fascinating topic! How very clever of them, no, brilliant, to ask such a stupid fucking question! One may just as well ask ‘Why Do Men Have Penises?’. In this author’s case the answer clearly is: to detract drastically from his brain power, rendering him a useless, drooling, breast-ogling bastard who can’t string a sentence together without somehow referring to a piece of the female anatomy and perhaps occasionally wheezing whilst reminding himself to breathe.

Believe it or not it gets better. Laughter already at a hysterical level, I read further. What other mind boggling, pressing and obvious truths were being pursued in this genius’ article?

‘Is it just to lure men or, as a new theory suggests, could there be more to it? Michael Hanlon reports…’

Congratu-fucking-lations Mr Hanlon! You’ve just provided the world with solid reasoning for lesbianism and made a complete arse of yourself! Just to lure men indeed. From my perspective, I must say that I have never once used my breasts as a ‘lure’ of any kind. They’re just a bit of fat around a gland, with skin and a nipple to cover it up. I really don’t understand the fascination. And as for your new theory, Sir, lets try an old one:

See, when a female mammal gives birth, it tends to produce milk to feed the child. Guess where the milk comes from? Surprise, surprise it’s that funky little mammary gland in the BREAST! Wow. Such a hard concept to follow. Je-sus! Would you people just find a real news story already?! This is fucking pathetic!

Onto my next little bitch… my family.

Okay, so everyone knows that their own family isn’t normal. It’s a scientifically proven fact. I just want to recount one recent evening during which I had to lie, ignore, put up with every attitude towards minority groups that I hate, suffer Christian spoutings, and stupid idle chit chat, all with a smile and without a smoke (I’m a good girl after all…) nor any alcohol.

It was my Grandma’s birthday, the same Grandma who leaves messages on our answering machine like "well we’re not dead" when you haven’t called for a while, and we were going to the usual little restaurant around the corner. Here we’re presented with our first dilemma. Being a very strict vegetarian, I tend not to trust other people making my food and thus never eat out. I just go along for the ride so to speak and try to drink myself under the table (not this time of course). So I sat through the usual condemnations that go something along the lines of:

Random family member: "Why aren’t you eating?"

The Plot Princess: (How many times do I have to say this?) "I don’t eat out, only what I make myself."

Random family member: "You should be eating!"

The Plot Princess: *sigh* "I ate before I came."

Random family member: "You need to eat, you know… blah blah blah…"

The Plot Princess: *staring into space* (No shit! Maybe if I ignore them, they’ll go away…)

Okay so after everyone’s accepted the fact that, indeed, I am not eating dinner here, as always, I have to listen to them converse. My head hurts just thinking about it. You get the usual "how’s the crime rate in Brisbane?" directed at my brother, ‘cause just because he’s a cop he has to know exactly what’s going on all over Brisbane despite the fact that he works at a station outside of Brisbane. And of course everyone finds said idiotic question so very amusing. Newsflash: it’s wasn’t funny the first time, so the thirty-third time it ain’t gonna be any funnier. After they harass him further about things he can’t possibly answer, they move onto me. "Got a boyfriend yet?" I have a really great response to this question, with comments about how we no longer live in the fifties, that women can get along just fine without a male counter-part, how laughable I find the concept of said ‘boyfriend’. But I simply bite my tongue and offer a monotone "no". Out of politeness they then question how uni is going. When I start to answer this question, talking about how great the production I’m working on now is and how much I’m actually learning about the equipment and technology, their eyes sort of glaze over. Then someone, usually my Grandfather (I swear he’s senile) asks my brother how the crime rate in Brisbane is. At which point I simply go back to reading whatever book I’ve dragged along for this particular episode. Now the conversation sort of spirals down to back-water hick level: my Grandfather mentioning how "blokes with earings have got to be bloody poofters"; my little cousin tugging on my arm talking about boys and what stoopie teeny bopper band she likes this week; my pot-addicted Uncle attempts an intelligent conversation with me and somewhere we both get lost. My ears begin to bleed.

This time I got lucky. No. Really.

So I’d dragged along my drawings folder (what else am I supposed to do for three hours while everyone else eats and makes eye-popping remarks?) and was attempting to fix a manga pickie of my lovely Niki. This is a calming process, it does me good. Now, my little cousin (who’s been brought up by born-again Christian people—my Uncle used to be really cool, it sucks—that sort of eye me warily every time we go out and don’t let their kids see movies above PG rating even though one is almost 15) grabs the folder out of my hands and starts to flick through it. I’m kinda okay with that, she has a good eye for proportion, and if she’s encouraged to focus on art as well as maths, she could actually become quite a good artist. Anyway… we’ve all seen my drawings and how, well girlie, my boys tend to be, so out comes the inevitable question:

"Is this a boy or a girl?"

repetitively for half an hour. Most of the time my response was "boy". To which I received a shocked look and a "but only girls have long hair" and even "boys don’t wear boots, only girls wear boots!" Say what?! Ignoring the weirdness of that comment, who the hell teaches children that sort of shit in this day and age. Hell, if they saw the people at the clubs/pubs/cafes I frequent they’d die! If they saw half my friends they’d die.

But to top all this off…

Remember how I said most of the time "boy", well we inevitably get to that part of the folder with the pickie of my Will and Niki snogging.

"Are those two boys?"

How to answer, how to answer… Niki hated me for a week but I said that he was in fact a girl and Will was a boy. My little cousin seemed relieved at this answer, breathing a little sigh of relief and muttering "Just as well".

I wasn’t happy. At all. I had lied about my characters gender to appease a backwards majority, and was sitting next to what was essentially a 10 year old homophobe.

It’s about this point that I want to stand up and announce "I smoke, Grandad I have a navel ring and a nipple piercing and I don’t like boys!". But I restrained myself. About the piercing thing, my Grandfather would disown me if he found out my navel was pierced, just ask my mother, so I can’t begin to imagine what he’d do if he found out about the nipple.

*sigh*

Okay, so I’ve bitched a lot. My family is my family I can’t change that and like everyone else I simply have to deal with them. Mostly they’re okay, even if they are totally fucked up. One good thing did come out of all this though, when my cousin asked me if I was getting married I replied:

"No, I’m going to live in a two bedroom apartment, with three cats and throw empty liquor bottles at random passers by."

She proceeded to repeat this response to her mother. That at least made me smile.

^_^

 

10.04.01 Today I went to visit a little web site recommended by a work mate (who should really put some of his drawings on my site): www.thespark.com.

Found it highly amusing. Especially when I took the gender test and it told me I was ‘definitely a man’. Indeed. Really, I’m not surprised though. I get accused of being too male quite frequently. What I did find particularly interesting though, is that apparently (I’m sure I read this right but it was 1 am) most women would prefer to die lonely than bleed to death. Hello?! Knock, knock, anyone home? I find this totally bizarre, given that as a girl you practically bleed to death every month anyway. Jesus, you think you’d be used to it by now! I’d certainly prefer to bleed to death, I can assure you. Now, how often do you hear someone say that?

According to the ‘personality test’ I am a Mastermind (ie like to think laterally and plot). Don’t quite get that either. Mind you, I’m not about to put a whole lot of emphasis on a web based quiz. Eh, it kept me entertained for half an hour or so.

Just thought I’d share those little tidbits.

 

29.03.01 I want to slag off a little, so here I go. Firstly, I’m going to bring up something I’ve been wanting to discuss for ages: little bitchy goth girls. Okay, most of the gothlings I know are lovely people who just happen to have excellent dress sense and enjoy their eyeliner. However, it’s come to my attention that there are snotty little wenches lurking in the ranks. I was in a class last year titled appropriately enough ‘Something-or-other and the Gothic Novel’. It left such an impression on me, can you tell? Possibly because I turned up to maybe four of the classes for the entire semester. My reasons for the non-enthusiasm? Every time I actually did drag my arse to Uni at some ridiculous a.m. hour, I got stared down by two wench goth girls. This is an excerpt from an e-mail I wrote to my Dark Muse in reference to said girls:

 

> Only snotty little 'gothic' girls (with their over-permed hair and less gothic clothes than mine) >pass judgements like that. Hmmm, not that I'm passing judgement on them or anything... : )

>I'm sorry, but people like that shit me, they think everyone else has to meet up to what they >consider gothic, or punk, or glam, or whatever, and anyone who doesn't is dismissed as not >being worth the make-up.

>Fuck 'em, I say.

 

Seriously, they glared at me from the moment I walked through the door to the moment I scampered away. Creepy, and not in the good way. So, I get to thinking and I start to observe the interactions of other little gothlings. I think the subculture can be divided up into groups. You’ve got the nice goths, who are in it for the look, enjoy the scene, like things a little on the dark side, and are generally accepting of people’s idiosyncrasies. Then you have the nasty goths, who like to make you feel uncomfortable, can’t bare the thought of cracking a smile, hate the world, and generally suck. This of course leaves you with the Manson goths, who love their commercialism ^_^. Oh it’s nothing personal, I have issues with the band, people can like what they want. And damn but I hate that man, he’s only in it for the money, all his songs sound the fucking same, and people still buy the shit! Went on a bit of a tangent, no? Anyway, all I’m saying is, if you’re in a minority group you really should cherish your fellow freaks.

While I’m in the mood, I’m also going to comment about SPAM! That’s right, it’s not just a hideous tinned meat product (people who eat meat from a can scare me), it’s fucking annoying junk e-mail! [Say it in one of those 50s American voice over guy type voices—you know the one I mean.] What’s more, it’s fucking annoying junk e-mail I never received up until a month or so ago. Somehow I obviously managed to make it onto to some nasty people’s mailing list (if it’s because of something someone else has done, may they suffer for eternity), and now, if I’m lucky, I get assaulted with porn every time I check my mail. Yay! See that puddle? Yeah, I’m dripping sarcasm, ‘kay? It’s also come to my attention, that msn seems to provide e-mail to a bunch of rather grotty people. Of all the porn I get, a majority of it comes from something@msn.com. So, in the interest of fairness and a twisted sense of humour, I decided to share a few of my favourite addresses. These are by far the most ‘creative’ I’ve seen to date. Ooo, and if you feel like, say, I don’t know, maybe sending copious amounts of shit to any of these addresses I can’t really stop you now can I… Humour me.

mandy69aaaaaaaaa@msn.com

cummingcarmen@msn.com this one actually made me laugh.

hornyheather@msn.com

Just fucking charming isn’t it? People have far too much spare time. Maybe I shouldn’t comment on other people’s usage of time when I’m writing shit like this. Yep, I’m still avoiding that assignment. I feel exactly the same way about porn as I do Christianity: if it’s good for you, fine, just don’t try and push it onto me!

I’m done for today, don’t you think?

 

28.03.01 Sooo, it’s assignment time! Yay! Something I’ve noticed about this time of year, I always seem to write and draw more, I read enough fan fiction to make any ‘normal’ person ill, my web site seems to get fed more often, and shit is my room clean! Funny that. I hate assignments, especially when it’s something evil and shit boring like ‘Media Communications Research’. The title is enough to make me sleepy, the lectures are plain torturous and having to write a non-essay about TV violence, and not being allowed to state my opinion (bring on the guns and carnage!), is just cruel. It strikes me as being a journalism subject. Funny part about that is that I’m not doing journalism! That’s the assignment I’m avoiding right now by typing this up instead. The evil bastard is due in two days. Eh, what’re you going to do? Besides it’s only 1000 words. I’ve left a 4000 word one til the night before and still passed.

Speaking of not planning, who wants to know how the not-so-organised filming went? Despite the major cock-ups (not our fault I might add), rather well. The work tape did make me blanch the first time I saw it, but it’s amazing what you can do with editing. All in all I’m so very proud of our little group. We all deserve a fucking huge pat on the back. The music we chose went perfectly. Somehow we managed to fluke it, and high points, cymbal clashes, and freaky violin in the music matched up with our cuts and action. It was totally trippy and really fucking cool. We’ve got an extra half-hour of editing tomorrow ‘cause the ditz girl double booked our editing suite yesterday and we couldn’t get started on time. After that our baby will be cooked and ready to serve. I’m so proud! ^_^

 

13.03.01 I have to shoot my first short film tomorrow.  That’s pretty scary, seeing as we have no script, no shot list, and possibly no male actor. But we do have a pretty storyboard! I think it’s going to be a fly by the seat of our pants type experience. About two weeks ago, I remember seeing other groups sitting down to work out shot lists and finalise scripts. Freaks! People who are that organised are sick. Very, very sick. And we came to the conclusion that they simply aren’t cut out for film. They don’t smoke, drink coffee, and probably freak-out about last minute changes or additions ‘cause their perfect plans can’t take bending. Weird. They’re going to burn out by the end of the semester. We, on the other hand, will be thriving on the stress, totally wired on caffeine, and so fucked up that we simply have to do well. No good can ever come of planning. Trust me. ^_^

On another note, I still find it creepy that in our workshops, the tutors just dump a $50 000 dollar camera in front of us and basically say ‘here, play with it’. It’s like giving a small child a Ming vase and a hammer. So far we’ve managed not to break anything. Give us a few more weeks, I’m sure we can at least melt some wiring. The power board with around 120 power points in it scares the living shit out of me, too. I’m just waiting to fuck that thing up. Nor am I overly fond of the sound desk. But the boy who was showing us how to use it was a dead ringer for Niki—he probably thinks I’m a bit strange ‘cause I couldn’t stop staring at him (and grinning like an idiot)—I really do wonder if he can act. See, I can be talking about anything and somehow relate it back to my characters. It’s just a talent, I guess.

I really don’t know why I felt the need to share all that. I think I’m just slightly excited ‘cause I’m finally doing what I want to at Uni. And going into this project with only half the shit we’re supposed to have is really, really fun! For once I’m actually not being sarcastic. I‘m going to be totally crazy by 10am tomorrow. I can’t wait. : )

 

14.02.01 (Awww…Valentine’s Day, give me a bucket—the pink and red everywhere I turn is making me feel ill)

So, what do I have to be so pissed about today? Well…

Firstly, I found out yesterday that the Red Cross does not apparently accept blood donations from gay males. How absolutely fucked up is that? All I can think is they’re worried about HIV. Well if that’s the case, you ignorant people, then shouldn’t you also refuse blood from: anyone who’s ever had an injection or used a needle; anyone who has had unprotected sex (regardless of gender or sexuality); anyone who plays a contact sport; anyone who’s actually had a transfusion or come into contact with blood at some stage in their life; basically the whole fucking population.

You’ve got no idea how much that irked me. I hate people. Don’t take that statement personally.

But don’t worry, there’s more fun! Pauline Hanson, the bigoted politician we’ve grown to hate has surfaced from the depths of hell once again. What intelligent statements have come bursting from her mouth this time? Nothing new, apparently. She’s just rehashing the whole ‘I hate homosexuals’ bit. She actually has the gal to get up there and say ‘it’s not natural’ and ‘I believe in the family unit: mum, dad and kids’ (I’m paraphrasing but it’s damn close). You’re the fucking freak! The family unit, as you call it, has been defunct for decades. The family unit was never a stable system, it was simply a way for people to pretend that everything was okay with the world, for women to be exploited some more, and worked to cover any little perversions people might have. As for the not natural statement…fucking hell, where to begin? How exactly is it not natural? All the bits fit, people have a good time, what’s the fucking problem? It’s more natural than anything you’ve been doing lately, I’m sure. There’s no batteries required, after all, if you get my meaning.

You’re obviously just a nasty vindictive little woman with nothing better to do with your time than cause a stir and slag off at minority groups. None of your policies are at all realistic or beneficial, nor are you prepared to make any policies that would have any real impact. You’re stupid, completely ignorant to society’s needs, have probably led a very boring life up until your ‘political career’, and refused to support/put up with your own family. Where’s the dad in your family unit? What happened to your son, Ms. Hanson? I think you’ll find that you’ve more or less disowned him because you don’t like the fact that he comes from one of those minority groups you love to attack. So much for that point, you piss-weak little hypocritical puppet.

The only people who are going to vote for you have a life expectancy of five years because they’re either crusty old backwards people who’re about to die, too stupid to survive any longer than that, their inbred little backwater brains can’t cope much longer or are about to die in some accident involving the lack of motor skills because they’re drunk 24/7. You will never run this country, partly because as a collective we’re not stupid enough to vote you in, but mostly because you could never handle it. The majority finds you offensive, annoying, unattractive (in every sense of the word), inefficient, a total embarrassment to the country, no, human race, and would sooner see you die in a hole than in a seat in parliament. Why don’t you just crawl back into that little hole of a fish and chip store (where you were obviously spawned from the union of cockroach and that weird fungus that grows on the refrigerator seal) lie down (preferably in the deep fryer) and take a very, very long ‘nap’.

I’m out of breath, so I’m going to stop now. I think you catch my drift, though, yeah?